When the Lights Went Out
August 2020.
The world was locked down, and so was I.
Four kids under four. Newborn twins in my arms. A pandemic raging outside my door. From the outside, I was “the supermom who could handle anything.” From the inside, I was hollow.
I’d launched a new website for my freelance design business earlier that year, even landed international brand deals. But it all came to a screeching halt when my mental health crumbled.
I was angry. Angry that my two-year-old son, born with a bilateral sensorineural hearing loss, couldn’t get his hearing aids repaired because everything was shut down. Angry that my husband was away working while I was drowning at home. Angry at the world — and at myself — because I felt like I couldn’t handle what everyone else seemed convinced I was made for.
I wore my “I’m fine” mask so tightly it became part of my skin. I told everyone I was thriving while inside I hated myself. I’d grown up in a world where something bad happens? You’re fine. Everything is fine. But I wasn’t fine. I was falling apart.
And then I broke.
Postpartum psychosis is a terrifying place to be. I lost my grip on reality to the point where I thought I could control time. I even believed my son was Jesus reincarnated and that I had to die in his place to save the World from our sins. I heard voices. I froze for hours at a time, unable to move. I was paranoid, trapped in a loop of fear and delusion.
A part of me knew I needed help — but another part still thought asking would make me weak. That part of me almost didn’t survive.
If you’ve ever worn that mask, you know how heavy it gets. I want you to ask yourself: who are you actually protecting by keeping it on? And at what cost to yourself?
Breathing the Light Back In
I didn’t walk into the hospital willingly. I was admitted against my will, and in that moment, it felt like the final proof that I had failed — as a mother, as a partner, as a human. I was surrounded by strangers, fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, my mind spinning in places I couldn’t control.
And yet… I needed to be there. Without that intervention, I might not be here to tell this story.
In the middle of the chaos, a line from Frozen 2 kept looping in my head:
“Just take the next right step.”
At first, I couldn’t see a single step ahead of me. So I went back to the only thing I could do — breathe. In. Out. In. Out.
My breath became my anchor. And somewhere in the dark, I found it — a small droplet of light hiding under years of fear, shame, and perfectionism. My soul light.
In that moment, I understood something life-altering:
No one was coming to save me. I was the one I was waiting for.
The climb back was slow and brutal. I started with the basics — showering, eating three meals, walking outside, brushing my teeth. Then came the harder steps: counselling, asking for help, putting my kids in daycare.
From there, the layers kept building — physical health, spiritual work, leadership training. I learned Reiki. I even took mediumship classes so I could ground myself and work with energy safely. I joined a leadership academy and became the first person in the world to complete their new training and leadership academy. I ran. I lifted weights. I laughed again. I faced my deepest traumas.
Along the way, I had to face three truths I’d avoided my whole life:
- I am loveable. Being adopted didn’t make me disposable like I had let myself believe.
- I can be judgmental and play the victim. And that’s not the worst thing in the world — it’s simply a mirror for where I still get to grow.
- My trauma doesn’t define me. Speaking it aloud gave me more power than silence ever did.
If everything in your life went dark tomorrow, where would you find your spark? And what would it take to breathe light back into it?
When Roots Began to Take Hold
Healing showed me something I couldn’t unsee: in both life and business, surface-level fixes don’t work.
When I worked with branding clients, the ones who thrived were the ones who knew who they were and lived their values. The ones who struggled wanted a beautiful logo but weren’t willing to look in the mirror.
I didn’t want to just make things look good. I wanted to help people build something that is good — on the inside and out.
That’s when Roots of Six began taking shape. Not as just another brand consultancy. Not just as a coaching practice. But as an integration of both — where leadership meets humanity, and where growth is rooted in truth.
Because I don’t want people to have to hit rock bottom to wake up. I want to show them that the inner work is the real work — and that it belongs at the center of leadership, business, and life.
Where in your life are you polishing the outside while ignoring the foundation? What would shift if you built from the inside out instead?
The Lighthouse
If you are in the dark right now, I want you to hear this: you are not broken. This will not last forever. The biggest breakdowns can open the door to your biggest breakthroughs.
But you have to be willing to loosen your grip on the “truth” you’ve been holding and see what else might be possible.
Every experience I’ve ever had has been my initiation into creating Roots of Six — my preparation to be a beacon for others who are ready to explore the depth of who they are and step into the life they truly want.
If you can’t see the light right now, look for mine. I’ll hold it steady until you find your own.
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