The Problem with Pretty Masks
I used to think if I worked harder, looked better, achieved more, or kept everyone else happy, things would eventually “click.”
So I wore the mask.
I bought the clothes.
I wore the makeup.
I built the brand-name life I thought people would admire.
On the outside, I looked like I had it together. On the inside, I was rotting. My relationships were surface-level, my debt was drowning me, I wasn’t present with my kids, and I was settling for the bare minimum in my own life because I didn’t believe I deserved more.
That’s what surface fixes do — they keep you looking polished while you slowly decay underneath.
Surface fixes are easy. They’re safe. They keep you from having to feel the real stuff. But they also keep you stuck in the same loops:
- You avoid hard conversations by saying everything’s fine.
- You keep waiting for circumstances to change before you take action.
- You focus on how things look instead of how they feel.
And sooner or later, the cracks start to show — sometimes in ways no one else notices, sometimes in ways you can’t ignore. When they do, the question isn’t how does this look from the outside? It’s how does it actually feel to be you on the inside?
If I asked you how you really feel today, not how you look or what’s on your resume, what would you say?
Surface Fixes in Disguise
Surface-level living doesn’t just happen in personal growth — it runs deep in leadership and business too.
In leadership, it shows up when people live in the fantasy of someday.
Someday they’ll start showing up differently.
Someday they’ll have the title that “makes” them a leader.
Someday they’ll deal with the tension in their team.
In business, it’s all the branding without the backbone.
A gorgeous logo, carefully chosen colors, well-crafted values statements — but behind closed doors, the tone is toxic, employees are miserable, and the values are a performance, not a practice.
I’ve worked with organizations where the public story was “We value people above all else” — but the private truth was that money always came first. Or where my expertise was respected until another man entered the picture, and suddenly my ideas disappeared. That’s not leadership. That’s ego. And ego can’t hold trust.
What Depth Actually Means
Depth is what happens when you stop performing and start telling yourself the truth.
It’s the courage to take accountability, to look at yourself — really look — and ask: Does the way I’m living actually work for me?
Depth isn’t comfortable.
It will ask you to:
- Drop the mask.
- Stop being right.
- Give up looking good.
- Let people see the parts of you you’ve been hiding.
It will take you into the experiences that shaped you, the patterns that still run you, and the purpose that’s been buried under years of pretending.
Depth is raw, honest, and relentlessly human. And you know it when you feel it — there’s no bullshit in the room.
Why Staying on the Surface Costs You Everything
On the surface, you might get to feel safe. You get to be right. You get to keep the image you’ve worked so hard to protect.
But here’s the trade-off:
You lose connection.
You lose trust — with yourself and with others.
You lose the chance to feel joy, intimacy, and freedom in their truest forms.
In individuals, it looks like:
- Shrinking yourself to keep others comfortable.
- Avoiding using your voice.
- Living in constant comparison and quiet dissatisfaction.
In businesses, it looks like:
- Breakdown in trust between leadership and staff.
- Growing disconnect between public image and lived reality.
- Declining morale and word-of-mouth poison spreading faster than PR can cover it.
I’ve seen companies crumble because the brand promise and the lived culture didn’t match. And I’ve seen people burn out because they were too afraid to drop the mask and ask for help.
When You’re Willing to Go Deeper
When people choose depth over surface, I’ve seen miracles happen:
- Parents mending decades-long estrangements.
- Entrepreneurs building thriving businesses after years of fear and failure.
- People turning addiction into recovery and reconnection.
- Survivors of sexual trauma reclaiming their bodies, voices, and relationships.
Going deeper means getting curious instead of defensive.
It means letting emotions rise instead of shutting them down.
It means unlearning the stories you’ve been living by and rewriting them in alignment with what you actually want.
And here’s the truth — no one else can do it for you.
It’s not my job to save you. It’s my job to stand with you while you save yourself.
So, Where Do You Start?
If you’re starting to see the surface-level patterns in your own life or business, the first step is simple — and uncomfortable:
Tell yourself the truth.
Not the version you tell your friends. Not the version you put on Instagram. The real one.
Then, do one thing today that moves you closer to living that truth.
If you’re ready to take it further, let’s talk. I offer a free 1-hour consultation where we can look together at where you’re operating on the surface and what it would take to build something deeper.
Because surface fixes might keep you safe for a while — but depth will set you free.
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